Changes. The word either invokes fear or adrenaline. Nothing in between. Usually, I settle for the fear. Because navigating a life filled with changes can be hard.
Like, really hard.
It causes chaos, confusion, and a lot of unknowns that can make even the strongest of people to back off and not accept the change.
The snowstorm that hit in January of 2019 was chaotic. It made me change. I had never used a snowblower before, my faithful “I’ll figure it out for you mom” son was gone, and I had two foreign teens living under my roof. Both from warm countries. With no snowblowers ever used. I was feeling squeezed. Defeated. Because I needed to clear my driveway. Which, at the time, was on a slight incline.
I had to change in that moment. I had to accept the chaos that I was surrounded in. That was my first big lesson on seeing the beauty in chaos and finding comfort in change.
Metaphorically speaking, the snow was pure, white, no blemishes, which I looked at as representing the season I was stepping into. Pure. A fresh start. Blemish free. It was then, that I found comfort in the changes that were taking place around me. I had a decision to make, grow or wither. Accept the change, make the best of the situation, or push the change away, not accept it, and struggle.
I won’t lie. I yelled. I cried. I got angry. Then I found the beauty and comfort in the chaos and change. The beauty in all of this, is that I got the driveway cleared, but I discovered a little more of myself that I thought I had lost. I discovered my strength. I discovered my capability. I found purpose again.
Life goes on.
There have been more changes and chaos that have taken place, but they all have been beautiful and comforting changes. They have had the ability to put my heart and soul at rest. To find my inner peace. Most of all, the changes and chaos have allowed me to find myself again. The changes and chaos are giving me another chance to raise happy humans, live a fulfilling life, and thrive instead of surviving. I had to be the change I wanted to see in the world, one small beautiful chaotic change at a time.